On Battles and Cockroaches
by wubbzy
Summary: A filthy apartment, naughty Naruto, and an unsuspecting cockroach… poor Sakura. NaruSaku.


_AN: _If you have read my profile, you will already understand why I'm rewriting this, the original being called "Cockroach on the Floor." Similar premise, different style, better writing. Enjoy.

_Disclaimer: _I don't own Naruto.

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_A NaruSaku One-shot  
_**Author**:_ wubbzy  
Count: _4116

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**On Battles and Cockroaches**

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_There was no hope for humanity… or Sakura_

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Waiting for someone on a doorstep was a very peculiar thing. Sometimes, one never knew what they'd find on the other side of the door. Not many truly thought about this when they knock, unless it was something important- a date, a party, a dinner with the boss, etcetera, etcetera. Sometimes, one knew exactly what to expect.

This was not one of those times.

Sakura, unfortunately, was not aware of this.

"Is he still sleeping?" she asked, her arms crossed and her foot tapping in irritation. It was after a few moments that she finally grew exasperated enough to kick the door open, breaking the lock with ease - the door clacking and broken. Really, Naruto was lucky she had been this patient. She had waited for quite a while before her annoyance accumulated into sheer aggression. As she quelled her rage, she duly noted to remind Naruto to give her a key – _why hadn't they thought of this before?_

As many have said, Naruto wasn't the most unpredictable ninja for nothing.

Sakura was, regrettably, aware of this.

The array of filth that reached her view wouldn't even begin to describe the ghastly scene that was Naruto's apartment.

Her sight was fleeting at the heinous scene before her. It looked as though it were the aftermath of a battle between hygiene and filth, filth being the blatant victor, while the mere casualties were left to die in the aftermath. The sloping hills of garbage were callously doused by the dim lighting.

She was most sympathetic for the carpet, who endured the most bloodshed. The clamped space were the battle scars, but was unable to show them, soaked in the misery of slaving under the winners convivial spirits as it showered the poor thing in a vast stench of ridicule and mockery.

The ragged carpet would be nonexistent if it weren't for the sticky residue - a mixture of russet and a tea-stained lime. On the haggard carpet sat a fort of forgotten ramen cups - in tatters from the war against the defeated rug, frayed laundry with smears of dirt and dried blood, crumpled papers, and withered comics that had fallen from the small coffee table filled with mugs and plates dampened and hardened with remains of half eaten sandwiches and potato chips, left behind to turn stale and rot in the most foreboding way imaginable.

Thank goodness she was a medic, because she knew how to remedy the injured and distressed. First, she would love to pound the man who started this full out war with that first shot – that first stain of carbonated soda – in the first place. Sakura staggered towards his room, avoiding the ruins.

She had made it to a small clearing where the carpet ended and changed to the ligneous floor. Pure rapture was evident at the fact that she came across without heaving over in absolute disgust.

Sakura felt dirty and worn just from getting through such a disaster.

Once again, she found herself facing a door. In contrast, her initial sensation and ignorance was forgone, for feelings of anticipation and anxiety filled her core. Sakura prepared herself for the unexpected.

She opened the door and stared at the sleeping form of the boy who induced such a massacre in his apartment. She was affronted at how he could sleep through her weeps of despair and outrage when getting through her previous qualms. She prepared her fist, her knuckles already blanching.

_This is for his own good,_ she had vindicated. Someone had to teach the deprived blond a lesson in order and organization (it wouldn't hurt to teach him how to use a dish rag either). His accommodation was unsanitary, and she was astounded that the land lord hadn't called a health inspector on him. His health could take a devastating turn if he caught something from such grotesque living conditions.

If it was bad staring at the battle field of filth from afar, it was worst getting through it. She had stepped on a carton of milk on accident, and the moldy, lumpy – _how old was it?_ – milk nearly splattered on her leg. If it weren't for her fast reflexes, dodging as if it were actual blood squirting out, it might have reached her smooth skin. If that would have touched her…

She was going to throttle him. And even if it didn't…

She was _still _going to throttle him.

And there he was, seemingly so innocent while he slept: his messy blond locks falling over his face as he hugged his body length pillow, his legs wrapping around said pillow… he was snoring, nuzzling into the cushion even more. He seemed so at ease and at peace, it was a shame what she was about to do. However, it was _very_ necessary.

But her fist couldn't meet him, not when he looked like _that_.

Sakura groaned in frustration, attempting to shake him out of his slumber. As she continued to do so, he merely gave muffled groans as he mumbled something incoherent. He yawned and nuzzled into his pillow once more.

Her anger skyrocketed, growling as she yanked the covers off him, resulting in Naruto flipping out of his bed, falling back first. He jolted awake, moaning and cursing in anguish as he massaged his buttocks and back. It was only then his oceanic eyes were presented to her, staring back at her own with fear when he noticed her leer. Her emerald irises stared right into the very depths of his pupils, them being the window into his very soul. If he were thinking straight, or thinking at all, he would have remembered that this was Sakura. Of course, his boggled mind didn't process this, and figured it was a fantasy Sakura from his dreamscape. His lips pursed, plump, puckered, and prepared for the possibilities. He had targeted her lips, but she deflected the blow with one of her own.

"_What_ do you think you're doing?" she hissed between gritted teeth. He hadn't answered, instead pouting as he kneaded his head.

"Sakura-chan," he winced. "Good morning to you too." A sultry grin reached her and she melted, almost feeling as if she'd relent to his idiotic tendencies. Her irritated expression hadn't faltered, however, and his face fell, wondering what was wrong.

"What's so good about it?" she began, but he quickly interrupted.

"Waking up to you." She gave him the expected look in her eyes and her huff in annoyance whenever he said something cheesy.

"Shut up, I'm serious. I never thought I'd be going through obstacles as dangerous as the Forest of Death in your apartment!" she hyperbolized. Although, it didn't seem much of an exaggeration to her. "Didn't I tell you to clean your apartment _two_ weeks ago? It's only gotten worse from the last time I checked."

"Huh, I guess I never got 'round to it. Been busy. Sorry Sakura-chan," he chuckled sheepishly, running his fingers through his spiked and messy hair. His chuckles subsided, noticing her concern.

"I don't understand how you can live in these conditions." She sighed, completely disregarding his previous comment as she glared. "This day could have gone so much better, but now we have to change our plans. We could have gotten ramen and then met up with Sai to go see a movie or something, but now we can't. You need to clean your apartment," she chided. "Something you should have done two weeks ago."

"But Sakura-chaaaaaan," he whined, not pleased at all.

"No 'but Sakura-chan' here. I don't want to hear it! This place is unsanitary and you could get sick!" she interjected, gesticulating with flailed arms. Naruto quickly brushed her worry off.

"As if I could get sick off of something like that. I'll be fine Sakura-chan, don't worry." He yawned, lying back down.

"What did I just say Naruto?"

"Relax Sakura-chan, just a few more minutes. Besides, I got the whole day, right?" he reasoned. Sakura was not satisfied. Her eyebrow twitched, wondering if he was seriously going back to sleep.

"Naruto," she spat vehemently, and Naruto gulped.

She peered down at him, but unfortunately, through the corner of her eye, spotted an unsettling sight. Right there, prancing towards her, was a filthy little vermin, casually making its way towards her with its haired legs and antennas that scanned. Said thing had grimy, beady eyes, and the hunch of its back wiggling as it set its sights towards her.

A curdling screech escaped her lips, lurching towards the bed. Naruto flinched as his eardrum shattered, cringing until he noticed Sakura fell, slipping on a cup of ramen. His movements were swift as he held her wrist, pulling her to him. His shirt was yanked and a weight fell on him. His mouth dried, feeling her soft body meshed on top of his own. His thoughts were nonexistent, but quickly tried to set her aside, not wanting Sakura to feel anything she wouldn't want to. The bed shifted as he jumped off and landed on his wooden floor, able to dismiss the clatter of garbage around him as he faced the intruder.

He held his thumb up to her, giving the nice guy pose. He smirked, looking back at her.

"Don't worry Sakura-chan, I'll protect you from the evil cockroach ninja! I'll save the day and destroy him before he gets the chance to control our minds and eat our brains!" Naruto dramatized, forcing Sakura to deadpan as she face palmed.

"It's not funny Naruto. Stop messing around! This is why I was telling you to clean your room! It attracts bugs and they carry diseases and cause illnesses." Naruto laughed.

"Shino seems to do fine with bugs, Sakura-chan," he retorted, and Sakura fumed.

"Stop messing around and kill the bastard!" she yelled. Naruto sighed, looking down.

"I don't see it." Sakura seethed.

"You lost it, idiot!"

"It's not my fault the cockroach is just a badass ninja cockroach," Naruto explained. "What do you think? Should I be like Shino and train cockroaches in battle so they can face Akatsuki? They can spread their diseases and illnesses, the stuff you seem to like to talk about." Naruto thought for a moment. "Oh, I know! I wanna' teach 'em my secret badass moves! Damn, I'm gonna' have the best cockroach ninjas!" Naruto's eyes sparkled in thought, feeling this idea was surefire.

At first, she was sure he was being sarcastic, but now… yes, Naruto was really _that_ lame, she couldn't help but think.

"I bet Akatsuki have better living conditions than you," she decided, smirking at his childish pout.

"Sakura-chan's really mean to me."

"If you would just listen…"

"I think you're just mad you didn't kiss me when you got the chance." Naruto grinned at her reddening face. Although, he thought it was her anger. She looked absolutely affronted, ready to smack him in the head if she could get down from his bed.

"If I wanted to kiss you, I would have let you. Maybe we should check that brain of yours, because you _clearly_ don't know how to read signs," she insulted, crossing her arms as she jerked her head away from him. Naruto stood in thought, silence permeating the tight-knit room.

"Huh…" She quirked an eyebrow, wondering if that was all he had to say for himself. She sighed, shaking her head. Her eyes closed, so she didn't see when he leaped onto the bed, but she distinctly felt the bed shift once more.

He certainly moved quickly.

One moment, he was standing as stiff as a statue, and the next, he had leaped on the bed and his face moved so close to her face, that she yelped in utter surprise. Her cheeks were painted scarlet. What brought this? He was acting rather bold, and she was skeptical that this was actually happening. Naruto would _never…_

Her cheeks were inflamed, and she was sure he felt it when he pecked it with puckered lips, leaning over her and a huge grin running from ear to ear. And he pressed his hand on her knee, probably not even realizing what he was doing.

Bold indeed.

The experience wasn't unpleasant. She had enjoyed the feel of his chapped lips on her cheek, and wondered how it felt if he took the initiative to put them on her lips. He had moved so quick, she wasn't sure if she was feeling things correctly, but she was sure his lips lightly grazed the corner of her lips. It was a pleasant surprise, until she noticed his smirk.

"Am I reading the same signs as you are?" he asked, and she was finally released from her stupor that seemed to bind her to pleasing thoughts of him. To fully awaken her, she lightly punched him so he could give her some space.

"Idiot," was the only thing she could muster up. Naruto smiled.

"You gotta' admit: I was pretty smooth."

"I suppose. Although," she crawled towards him, a wanton smirk sneaking up her lips as her eyes pierced through him in a way that left him a stiff mess. His back fell to the soft cushion of his mattress as she pressed herself to him, breast and all. "I don't think you could have kept it up for long." Her hot breath tinged his ear, sending shivers down his spine and sent his bones to clatter together.

She giggled, resting her head on his chest as she felt a bit drowsy from today's chaos. Yes, today… cockroach… falling on ramen cup… messy… room – apartment.

She promptly sat up, placing all her weight on his chest as she glowered. Naruto perked an eyebrow, his brain muddled from her terse fury.

"You seduced me!" she accused, her mouth slightly agape as she thought about it more. That clever little-

"_What?" _His confusion reached new limits as he sat up from their current position.

"Don't try to play the innocent little saint, idiot. I know you tried to fool me."

"What are you talking about? If anything, you seduced me! And I wasn't lying about-"

"No, you tried to kiss me first, and now you're trying to get out of cleaning," she huffed, crossing her arms as she moved farther away. "Get your ass up and start cleaning."

"Fine," he finally complied. "But only if you can stay with me." She rolled her eyes at this, scoffing.

"Sure, but you have to start cleaning now," she compromised. "No way can I leave you here by yourself anyways."

"Deal." Naruto clutched her hand as he attempted to lead her out. Sakura wouldn't budge however.

Paranoid eyes flashed across every inch of the dysfunctional room, examining for any unwanted guest.

"It's okay Sakura-chan, see? I'm standing on the ground. I told them to go away. I'm their master, remember?" She hadn't spoken nor listened. He merely heard soft mutters and noticed her bite her lip in sheer panic. As he stared at Sakura, an idea began to formulate. "Let me carry you."

"No," she answered without a millisecond of hesitation. Her face was as stern as a sergeant, her tone demanding and insulted at the same time. Her slender fingers wrapped around his blanket, holding on for dear life. She would always refuse such a suggestion, for it showed vulnerability, and if she could avoid it, why would she let it happen? She already gets teased for crying, she wasn't about to show another side of her fragileness. Maybe fragile wasn't the right word, because she was anything but- helpless, exposed? Exposed seemed better.

"Aw, come on Sakura-chan. Please?" he whined. "No one's looking. No one will know."

"You will."

"So? It's me, I should know everything about you." Her nose scrunched at the thought. "Okay, not _everything_, but you know what I mean! Just the stuff _I_ should know. It'll be our little secret." And his cerulean eyes tantalized her, drawing her closer to him. He probably wasn't aware of the power he held in those eyes of his. It might be because they held pure, raw emotion and maybe something else. He beamed as she wrapped her arms around his neck and brought her legs up to be held bridal style.

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She had once thought his eyes were merely radiated with innocence… pfft, that assumption got flushed down the toilet fast.

She moaned, his name rolling off her tongue so nicely, probably euphony to his ears, but she tried and tried to get her voice to turn stern and stark, yet found it rather difficult when the boy – no, young man – above her was giving her pure rapture with every butterfly kiss and suckling of every part of her soft, inflamed area of skin he could reach. She couldn't bring herself to remember how they got to this point. The sad part about it was, that it hadn't been too long. It was a short while ago, yet she couldn't recall the transition. She briefly remembered that he had laid her on the couch, and she had groaned, but was it a groan of anger and disgust, or one of pleasure? When exactly did he start his ministrations?

She had no time to think, because she felt enamel firmly rubbing against her ear, and she groaned out. And-

… _h__ow did she ever find him an innocent little boy?_

"Naruto!" Sakura groaned, grasping at his neck to draw him closer to her hot skin. "We had a deal. S-stop it," she said in between moans, loving the way he rubbed against her aching body. Her actions didn't accompany her words at all, for she wanted more, grinding against him, the only thing in the way of doing something extremely naughty would be the soft fabric of his pajama bottoms and her denim skirt.

The way he fit between her spread legs, the way his hips grinded with hers… it felt better than anything she could ever conjure up in her darkest fantasies, and she wanted more. However, she had to control herself. Luckily, Naruto was able to pull away and looked down at her.

"But Sakura-chan-"

"No Naruto. I mean it. I'm leaving unless you start cleaning. I don't want to be in a mess like this," she scowled, and knew if he hadn't listened to her, she probably might have lost her aplomb.

Fortunately, Naruto sighed, disappointed in getting up and beginning to look for a broom, a mop, and a trash bag.

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All she did was watch as he cleaned, enjoying the view. She had first tried to gaze away from his masculine form, trying to remain civilized even when her thoughts were more primal than anything else. Her legs constantly shifted, unsatisfied with the way she felt, along with unfulfilled desires that were continuing to boggle her mind. She had tried to shake her head out of it and brush the raunchy thoughts aside, but alas, it wasn't to be. She cursed, disappointed in herself.

"Naruto…"

"Yeah?" he continued to scrub, concentrating on the linoleum floor, seeming to have way more dried stains than he remembered. The same lime-green color residue Sakura had seen was on his kitchen floor, seeming to have appeared from nowhere. It made him just a bit curious.

"How'd you know?" she asked, flustered.

"How'd I know what?" he questioned, confused.

"About my feelings?" she asked sheepishly. He grinned that same toothy grin that made her think of the innocent little boy she used to know. That trick wasn't going to work anymore.

"You really want me to tell you?" She noticed a smirk appear and her eyes narrowed in preparation.

"Yeah."

"Ino showed me." At that moment, Sakura saw red. Anger filled her entire being, the thought of her supposedly best friend blabbing about her feelings inducing the kind of rage only a bull could hold. She should have known this would happen. Ino did have the reputation of the biggest gossiper Konoha had ever known. Still, she shouldn't have said anything to anybody – she trusted her! Sakura wanted to strangle Ino, because it was the only thing she could think about to brush away the hurt and pain of betrayal.

"What do you mean Ino-pig showed you? What happened?" she demanded, grasping his T-shirt and glaring daggers at him. He swore her eyes would go straight through his chest if he weren't careful. He tried to steer his head away from her eyes, yet it was impossible. No one could get away from those eyes.

"Well, Ino can read minds, so she looked through your dreams. I just happened to be in the same room when you were sleeping at her house and she showed me." No one could go into Sakura's dream and not feel flustered. He was sure the great Jiraiya would have at least held a small pink blush too. It was no surprise that Naruto's cheeks and ears were heated, the memory still vivid in his mind. That dream…

He turned away, wiping the small ooze of blood from his nose. Sakura's eyes widened, a face of fiery and as red as a strawberry.

And if she wasn't embarrassed enough with her recent perverted thoughts… now she found out he's actually _seen_ what's been going through her mind? This was _not_ happening.

"And you just _happened_ to be in the same room?" she asked incredulously. Naruto nodded, an audible gulp making her think otherwise. Her thoughts went to Ino and how she could do something like this. He wasn't fooling her for a second. "What bullshit. Watch when I see her-"

"Don't be mad Sakura-chan!" Naruto quickly defended, trying to calm the girl down. It was futile however, for she was like a bomb waiting to go off. Once it did, it was impossible to take it back. She was in a blinded fury. And if it wasn't bad enough, that same amount of fury was directed towards him now.

"You could have told me you knew." Her solemn eyes averted to the floor, avoiding his gaze.

"I was waiting for just the right moment." She laughed.

"And_ this_ is the right moment?" she asked in disbelief. He chuckled, shrugging with nonchalance.

"Yeah, I was kind of hoping to get out of cleaning," he chortled sheepishly, making her pout. "It didn't work I guess," he laughed while scratching the back of his head.

"You still haven't finished actually," she reminded him, looking around. It was better than when she first saw it at the very least. "Although, I guess it can wait since you're almost done." Naruto didn't hesitate attacking her plump lips, guiding her to the couch. They laid sprawled on the couch, continuing to tease and suckle, so engrossed with each other that they hadn't heard the distinct knocks and then the eerie sound of a creaking front door.

"Um, Naruto-kun, I saw your lock was broken, so I let myself in. I was waiting for both you and the hag so we could meet, but the hag had been taking too long-" Sai stopped mid-sentence when he noticed the two splayed on the couch. Both Naruto and Sakura looked up caught red-handed, their faces flushed with a deep shade of red. Their eyes were bulged wide open like a deer caught in the headlights. Naruto promptly sat up on his knees whilst straddling the pink haired kunoichi. He chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. Sakura sat up from the couch in a panic, not believing the timing of the idiot, Sai. She also wasn't happy with what he called her, but that thought hadn't crossed her mind at all. She instead stuttered and laughed nervously at the same time, trying to scramble for words. Both were lost for words. She was only lucky they hadn't gone too far and were still clothed. Sakura blushed at the thought of them taking such a drastic step.

If it wasn't embarrassing enough…

"Naruto-kun and the hag must be in the middle of mating, correct? I'm not sure if I remember correctly, but I once read in this book-"

"Shut up Sai!" they bellowed out, interrupting Sai's rambling. The two looked as red as a juicy tomato. Sai gave them his familiar and creepy smile. Familiar, but creepy… really creepy.

"I'm sure Yamato and the Hokage would love to hear about this new discovery I made. Yamato will be delighted to hear I didn't read this in a book," Sai thought aloud with too much of a happy expression that the two wanted to take off with their fist. The thought had quickly left their minds when they processed what Sai said. Both their eyes widened and they gasped in horror.

_"No Sai!"_

And that's why, you don't break the lock to an apartment door.

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_AN: _I hope you guys liked this. Tell me what you think! xD Everything was supposed to be humorous, even the overly dramatic scene of Naruto's apartment. I wanted people to chuckle and think, "who the heck decides to describe garbage like that?" xD So yeah, tell me what you think please!


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